Tag Archives: MainLineDadsPa

Date my daughter…at your own risk!

Every morning, after the kids are off to school and I can finally start my cup of coffee, I check my Facebook, news, sports etc. Just a few minutes to allow my caffeine requirement to hit my system. This morning I came across a picture my friend Sean Seidell had reposted and several comments voicing their point of views stirred me to write this.

Date my daughter     feminist-fathers

I’m admittedly torn on this subject.  When my daughter starts to date (…gulp) every fiber of my being will want to protect her from the inevitable pain and heartache that will occur. I am fully aware that as she grows into a young woman, she will decide who she thinks is an appropriate guy/gal to date and she will establish her own rules.

This is where the views split for me. I agree that memes such as the first photo with the dad sniper “threatening” the boy with death is overdone to the extreme.  If you dig deeper and grasp the undertone of the photo, I think you find many layers that can be revealed.

First, our children look to us[parents] when building their rules of life. Does Mommy argue with Daddy all the time? Does Daddy treat Mommy with respect? Are my parents affectionate to each other? These questions of course are just a few of the hundreds of questions that fill out the multitude of facets that help mold our children.

As my daughter grows into a young woman I remember that she will look to me when she starts to look for qualities in her future partner.  My example everyday as a husband to my wife will provide a classroom for her to see how a woman should be treated and respected long before her going on Date #1.  The love and respect I show my wife echoes to my children and when my daughter begins looking into the dating pool, she will more than likely look for someone who mirrors those similar attributes since my wife and I have been the consistent examples her whole life. Before we go any further these ring true for my sons too. So my rules for my daughter also apply to my boys.

Do I need a gun or other weapon to make this point to any person they decides to date? No. Do I want my kids to be hurt by boys/girls who break their hearts? Of course not. My role is to support and nurture my kids and teach them what I think are important qualities in a person.  If the people my kids eventually deem qualified to meet Mommy and Daddy, then it would be MY litmus scale to pass. Whomever my kids decide to bring home will be directly related to the virtues my wife and I helped to instill.

A parent who is overprotective and smothering because of whom their children end up dating can sometimes be directly connected to the level of role model you (parents) were for your kids. Even when you have to repeat yourself a million times and the same deer in the headlights look stares back at you every single time, your kids are picking up on everything. If you want your kid to bring home someone you find wholesome…then guess what, be a wholesome person. BE that example, because you will find out faster than you like that it will be yourself to blame if your son or daughter brings home someone you find less than appropriate for you kid.

The tshirt from Feminist fathers’ is right as far as the physical and intimate nature of dating. Those rules are correct for both MEN and WOMEN, GAY or STRAIGHT.  No one has a right to decide what is right for your body….BUT those rules that our kids use to decide what is right is effected by us, the parents. Be smart and backup your words because if you end up hiding in the bushes with a gun to “threaten” your kids dates then you have to evaluate what YOU did wrong, NOT your kid’s choice in guy or girl.

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SuperDADS and Disability

Daddy, chase me!!! Daddy, catch me!!! Daddy, teach me!!!

These familiar commands are, for most of us, a daily plea of “starved attention” from our kids. As a stay at home dad my kids have the benefit of always having a parent available. Its both a privilege and burden to be that rock for my children.

I have three very energetic, strong minded and at times overly outspoken children. My daughter is nine and my two boys are 6 and 3 years old. All of my children shower me with endless unconditional love and affection, which I treasure more than life itself. Why is it that every time I pick up my kids from school or scouts or any place where their friends are there, does my self confidence falter momentarily?

I am both blessed and plagued with a physical disability that effects my walking and my sense of touch in my legs.  I use a cane at age 34 and walk with a significant limp and mobility can be exhausting depending on the day. My disability is something that I have dealt with my whole life and I have honed my abilities to shield and assert myself against the brutal real life questions and stares but my children have not been exposed to my many years of practice.

My older children easily and without any reservation field questions about me when their inquisitive friends gain the courage to ask why do I walk the way I do. Their willingness to give explanation on my behalf is not where my “self-confidence” wanes. My kids are all very active children. I have been coach for softball, assistant coach for softball, assistant den leader, coach dad in the backyard etc…these are normal roles that I believe most dads are excited and often eager to fill.

My physical limitations are what tends to make simple enjoyments like running with my kids and helping my children to ride a bike impossible. I can’t always do what their open and eager pleas request and seeing their realization that I can’t, rips a whole through my heart that short of a cure tomorrow will never be completely whole. I know my kids will be just fine and so will I but my internal struggle every day to cope with the realism that being Superdad will have to be adjusted to being a super Dad. I know my kids still view me as Superdad in many ways but eventually real life shows up and I will “stand strong” as long as my body allows…which is just fine for my family!


Sweat it out!

DSCN0365 (If my wife reads this, I’m sorry I couldn’t find another photo with your eyes open.)

How many of us have gained weight over the years? It doesn’t really have to be because of kids or marriage or even old age, we all may find ourselves a bit “softer in the middle” than we would prefer.  I personally have struggled with my weight over the past five years.  When I met my wife I was a lean 155 lbs and at 5’6 I would say I was ideal for my frame. I’ve always been been muscular and have enjoyed working out for as far back as I can remember. (Not, that I was disciplined enough to see really good results.)

After my son was born I was at the peak of my weight gain. I was a sweet 205lbs depending on the day and it was my wife who actually woke me out of my weight gain. How you might ask? She made a small comment, ” You used to have a six-pack when I first started dating you.” She didn’t mean it in a negative way and it wasn’t a false statement. It was then and there I decided to work on my body. I mean its only fair right?

If I want my wife to be attracted to me and to not dread the idea of my blubber rubbing up on her then fix the issue, right? Will she love me no matter what? Of course, but will she want to still get all sexy for me if I don’t care about taking care of myself? She and I have actually discussed this, and the chances of sexy time would realistically diminish if the weight got out of control. So that’s when I decided I would start working out and take care of myself which would also take care of my “other” concerns.

wpid-wp-1406924447038.jpeg I busted my hump and I was getting stronger and the weight was falling off. After a year of hard work and many gallons of sweat I finally was getting the results I was looking for.  I had a great system and then my final semester of college at Saint Joseph’s University started. End of traction. End of the gym and my routines. My weight was quickly coming back. By the end of the semester, I was about 20lbs heavier but it was my graduation so I didn’t really pay much attention.

This summer I realized my situation yet again and I’ve been struggling to get back on the wagon. I was reading a blog by Eric Williams about the issues of trying to workout on your own and how often the results are less than desired. So he has suggested a support group or a group of like minded dads who can keep each other held accountable.

SECRET REVEALED:
Everyone wants to know what is the secret to success. I’ve got the secret. But if I tell you…you won’ t like it. Its not a pill. Its not a shake that makes you crap for the next 3 days. Its not liposuction or anything that can be categorized as a quick fix. The secret is SWEAT. You have to up your exercise in some way. When I was most successful I increased my cardio. Find an elliptical that you like and crank it up to 100% resistance. Go for an hour and make your goal at least 1000 calories burned. Start off slow and just keep going until the time is up. On average you should take in approx. 1800 calories give or take and by this one basic exercise you can curb your net total for weight loss. REMEMBER: Drink A LOT of water and only weigh yourself first thing in the morning and be naked. This will help your psychological edge because this is the time when you weigh the  least in a day. Okay friends go out and sweat!

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