Tag Archives: scarymommy

Marginalize Dads? WHY?

For those of you who know me personally, I’m a pretty laid back guy. I am a father of three great kids who can test my patience on an daily basis. I get the urge to write only when something moves me to write or one of my fellow daddy bloggers comes across something that moves them to write pieces on a particular outrage.

Papa Does Preach author writes his outrage about a mommy blogger who basically lumped dads who are telling their views while present for the births of their children as “But men,they don’t really get to talk about their birth experiences. They’re just a supporting role in the woman’s tale.” ScaryMommy. There is a lot there in that one small snippet. First, men don’t really get to talk about their birth experiences is outrageous. Of course we get to talk about our birth experiences. Its a major event in out lives too. We are witnessing the birth of a child we helped create and are excited to start a relationship with the little person we have been falling in love with through thin belly tissue for the past 9 months.  One of the best stories I tell are when my kids were born. Yes, I understand I can not relate about pushing a child through my vagina or what it felt like to have my belly split from hip to hip in order to bring this miracle of life into the world. Dads aren’t trying to take that away from you mommies. Personally, its one of my favorite things about being a dad that I did not have to endure that, but for that,  I tip my hat to all mothers. Ya’ll are powerful and strong and literally birth a miracle. On behalf of all dads, I want to express how much we hold ya’ll in high esteem.

That being said, we have birthing experiences. When my wife went into labor, time stood still. It was if every moment was clear and slowly being memorized.  I can assure you that I have yet to meet another dad who has said anything close to what you imagined to be how we talk to each other or how we would express our excitement about the birth of our child.

ScaryMommy imagines a conversation like this:

“Hey dudes ! Here’s the story about Junior’s birth. It was crazy, you guys. There was so much blood after the whole thing I was thinking vampires were going to fly through the windows for a feast of epic proportions. It was nuts. It was like war. It was awesome.”

For the record, we don’t address our friends as Hey dudes! I’m also pretty sure we don’t compare birthing a child to vampires or war.  The vampire comment was kinda funny but still would not escape the lips of any of the dads I know. The part about comparing childbirth to war is where I felt that the message was so far off that I was prejudiced for the rest of the post. I’m not alone in this reaction, many other dads and moms alike felt that comparing birthing of a child as a companion to soldiers of war was off based and insensitive.

I am not a veteran but I have been fortunate enough to marry into a military family. The respect of our soldiers and their families who sacrifice their lives and safety to keep us safe as a nation should never been marginalized. Oh and these same soldiers are dads too. The two events, war and birth are so far from each other they are literally opposites. One ends life, the other brings life.

I’m a realist. I understand that all dads and moms are not created equal. I also understand that you can’t please everyone specifically in a blogging world but at least attribute someone to your general stereotypes that are so far off based so as not to offend every dad who may come across your story. I’m sure I would be completely out of line saying that women don’t really get to talk about their war experiences. They are just supporting role in the mans’ tale. (I DON”T BELIEVE THIS BY THE WAY!) Here is something I teach my kids. Words can do damage and you need to be careful about what you put out into cyber space. If you truly believe what you are saying and can defend your words then great move forward as long as you can handle the outcome. If you can’t then don’t put it out there.